Stephanie Fein MD [00:00:01]:
Hello, fabulous. It's Doctor Stephanie Fein here with weight loss for fertility. And this is the hundredth episode of this podcast.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:00:13]:
Wowie, 100 episodes. I am very excited. I'm super proud of this moment. I'm a pretty consistent person. So when I started the podcast, I pretty much knew we had we'd come here, but still one a week. So that's almost two years in four episodes. In a month, it'll be two years. And I'm just really happy to be here with you.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:00:38]:
That's like, my main thing is like.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:00:40]:
That we are together over this time. And in this 100th episode, I wanted it to be super valuable. That was my whole goal. What should I do for the 100th episode? And I'm like, I want to give so much value. And I was thinking a list of ten reasons this, five of the best this and all that sort of stuff. And then if I really wanted to.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:01:04]:
Give you the most valuable thing, then I have it. Oh, and let me tell you something. I have tried to record this a billion times and this is always what happens. So I decided I'm just going to talk through it and hopefully you'll bear with me or you'll turn it off.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:01:23]:
Either one.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:01:24]:
I understand both. But the reason I'm so tender and get so weepy is that the most valuable thing I can remind you or teach you is how important love is here. And here we're talking about weight loss. So it can seem like the furthest thing away from weight loss or even fertility treatments. Like, no, weight loss and fertility treatments.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:01:52]:
Are about numbers and actions and, you know, very precise things.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:01:58]:
And for some of that is, it's true. But the most important, without love, there is none of that and none of that works. Now, you know, there may be some argument there with fertility treatments, but I'll tell you that when we're in a.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:02:19]:
Relaxed state, that's how we feel. With love, things flow better, work better.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:02:26]:
This is like, you know, a little.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:02:28]:
Woo woo out there. And fertility treatments, I don't have data, but for weight loss, I know for a fact that it is so important, which is why we're talking about it. We can't have sustainable weight loss, which is the only kind we care about here, without a sense of high regard for ourselves. We have to develop it. And so cultivating a loving relationship with yourself is the foundation to enjoying your life and getting everything you want, everything and everything you're here to do. So I'm going to talk a little bit about that. That's what today is about. Oh, good.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:03:16]:
I stopped crying. I'm so happy. We'll see if it comes back. But why does it matter that we feel loved? Because when we feel loved, we can have perspective. We know when we feel loved and we have this perspective, we know that everything's going to be okay. That is such an important thing to know. It really is. But when we know that everything's going.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:03:47]:
To be okay and we have a.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:03:48]:
Bigger perspective, one over each, just doesn't matter. When we feel loved, we can be patient with ourselves again, because we have the perspective. We can actually be ourselves. We can admit who we are and what we want and what we love and what we don't. And that's another way of saying we can accept ourselves, which is so important, because the energy it takes to be someone we're not to people please to do all that ends up. We end up overeating from that stuff. But when we can be ourselves, you know, that. That idea of authentic, authentically ourself.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:04:30]:
But it's true. When we can be ourselves, there's so much less energy that's needed. And when we feel loved, we can get through life with ease and grace, and we need that. Life is hard enough as it is. We need to be able to fall back on love and grace. And here's the most important thing. We can't expect others to have this love for us. It has to be an inside job.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:05:08]:
It has to be a deep well that we can draw from whenever we want it or need it. Humans are humans, and God bless them, and they can love us a ton, but they're not perfect. So when we need something, they may not be there. We just can't depend on external love. It's so nice to have it when it's there. It's a great part of life. But what I'm talking about for perspective, for getting through hard things, is an internal love for ourselves that we can always depend on. And I like to think of it as how, in order to sort of try it out, feel it, try it on.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:05:53]:
I think of how God, or the universe, or higher power, or grandparent or nature would love us or loves us. And you can get a sense of that. Like, if you're thinking about a beloved friend, how you care so much for them, or a child in your life, or your future child. I really love to think about it with, like, a child that we adore. Like if you're having, I'm going to say, some images. And if you have them, like. Like a little kid who got sunburned playing in the sun, or they cut their own hair and now they have like, bangs that are kind of funny, or they wrote on themselves with marker and they could be really upset about these things. But you, as the grown up who loves them, just smile.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:06:46]:
You think it's adorable that they have, like, funny hair. I mean, you're not gonna. You're not gonna, you know, make them feel bad. You can just see that it's going to grow back, it's going to heal, they're going to feel better. We know, we just instinctively know, because we've had experience, but also because we love them, that this means nothing about who they are. They could be if they were older. Kids often don't do this, but like, if they got burnt, they would be beating themselves up. But, you know, you have so much love for them that it just doesn't mean that, you know, it's a blip.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:07:32]:
It's a nothing in the grand scheme of things. It was a learning experience, an experiment with unintended consequences. It means nothing about their true nature or their ability in the future. They are perfect. And it's so easy to see that because of the love you have for them, they're just going to be walking around with hair, funny hair, for a little while, or they're going to need a good scrub to get that marker off. But they are perfection. And that's exactly how I want you to feel about yourself. Whenever you try something, like at work, you try something or you have a vulnerable conversation with your partner, or when you're working at losing weight, like if you have an overeat or you eat past two, or when you weren't hungry, it's a blip.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:08:30]:
It's a sweet thing. It doesn't feel that way often to us. But when we take this bigger perspective, this loving perspective, we can see that it's nothing. Meaning it doesn't mean anything about the core human, that you are the core part of you. It is just something that you'll learn from and move on, no problem. You are perfect. And it's that love that has you knowing that. And when I say knowing, you know, like core in your core, you know that it doesn't mean you aren't upset about making a mistake or doing it differently.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:09:16]:
That's no problem. We could say, oh, yeah, whoops. Well, that didn't work out the way I wanted. What am I going to do about it next time? Done. It doesn't have any deeper meaning than that. And I want you to learn this here because it helps make losing weight so much easier and permanent, right? Because if we can keep improving, keep tweaking, then we get to the point where we're at the weight we want and we eat the way we want. That sustains it, and it feels fine. It's no problem whatsoever.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:09:57]:
But when we can learn to feel loved and at our core, whole, it makes mothering so much easier and full of grace. So it makes weight loss so much easier and full of grace. And it makes mothering so much easier and full of grace. Because let me tell you something. There will be moments once you have your little one in your arms. And I see that for all of you. I'm talking.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:10:30]:
I'm talking to you with the knowledge that you will have what you want and you will have someone to love. I know it. And so this is really important. When you have your little babe in your arms, after all that you've done to get there, you will be exhausted and frustrated. At some point, you might forget a diaper or a bottle, or you snap at your partner, or you have a fleeting anger thought about your precious one. All normal mom moments, totally normal. And I want you to be able to have practiced love for yourself, that your habit is love. And you give yourself grace because beating yourself up for parenting missteps is the surest way to rob you of the experience of mothering.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:11:29]:
Having the space to love your messy self. And we're all, that's the human experience. We're 50 50. It means you recover faster and with no collateral damage. And the collateral damage would be your relationship with your loved ones, including your kid. It means the day isn't ruined because of whatever thing happened that felt that.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:11:59]:
You wanted to blame yourself for.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:12:00]:
That felt really big.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:12:03]:
But when there's love there, it means we can move on, and then we.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:12:07]:
Can be present and open to the next moment that comes along.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:12:10]:
Because when you're parenting, there's, I mean, moments come flying at you.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:12:18]:
When you.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:12:19]:
Can accept, which is another word for love yourself. It means you can accept your loved ones, including your kid, in all their glory. There is a relaxation in that. Can you feel it? Like, just loved and accepted.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:12:38]:
And the image I have, it's so sweet. I brought my boys have a very close relationship with their nanak. It's my husband's mom. I'm just gonna cry through this. So here you have it. And she's still around, God bless her. She's 90, and she's always been very close to them. And one time I was dropping them off at her house and my kids ran in, dropping their jackets, taking off their shoes, running towards the chocolate with such abandon.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:13:19]:
They were in their happy place. It was so clear. And I was so grateful. And still am. I'm so grateful to my mother in law for creating that for them. Of course I love my kids, but there's nothing like this unconditional love, if you're lucky enough, like a grandparent. And that's the image I have for you all. I want you to have that space for yourself and we can create it.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:13:55]:
For ourselves with our thinking. That's what we do here.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:14:01]:
Sometimes I'm a little more covert about it.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:14:05]:
Today I'm just putting it on the table.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:14:07]:
But this is always beneath what I'm teaching and talking about.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:14:13]:
Because it's effective for permanent weight loss, but because it makes mothering easier and easier.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:14:22]:
Mothering is better for you and kids.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:14:25]:
It's just, it just really is. This unconditional love I'm talking about has to be for yourself first. Please. You really can't, you really, really can't have it for anyone else until you have it for yourself. I promise it works that way. It feels like we can, like, it feels very easy to have unconditional love for our kids, but it's not. If it's not for ourselves, there are little conditions. If you don't cry, if you go to sleep, if you.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:14:59]:
I know it doesn't. This is a little controversial because some people would be like, no, that's not it. If there's any conditions you have for yourself, if there's not a bigger perspective of love you have for yourself that will show in the other relationships you have with others. And this is what I want you to know with this 100th episode. Your ability to trust yourself, love your.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:15:30]:
Sweet self, hold yourself in high regard, is the answer to sustainable weight loss and a truly beautiful mothering experience. We know we're not being loving to ourselves when we're judging ourselves, when we're beating ourselves up, that's the tell. And we know we are being loving with ourselves when we can speak kindly to ourselves, when we're understanding, when we're compassionate. The other 99 episodes before this one and all the future ones that will come to be.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:16:11]:
Will be the answer to how you go about strengthening this relationship with yourself. It's all there always. We look out for it with judging ourselves. We know there's still work to do, and we know we're loving ourselves when we're speaking kindly to ourselves, particularly in situations in which we think we've misstepped in some way. All the episodes are showing you how to get better and better at treating yourself with compassion and kindness as you do the hard things. Here. We're starting with weight loss, but you're also doing hard things in terms of fertility and all the rest of that. So loving yourself just makes everything so much easier.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:17:01]:
I'm here to be that for you, to be a model of love for you, which I absolutely have. And I'm here to give you practical.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:17:14]:
Ways of doing it.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:17:15]:
And I will remind you each week.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:17:18]:
Because with every part of my being, I know this to be true. I wonder how many crying episodes there have been in the world. I so appreciate your if you've listened this far, and God bless you. I wish everything for you so much love, everything you want, and I'm here to help you get it. And I'm telling you this is the way I'm sending you. So much love always and especially right this moment. Until next week.
