Stephanie Fein MD [00:00:00]:
Hello, fabulous. It's Dr. Stephanie Fein here with weight Loss for fertility. And it's. We're smack in the middle of holiday time. We just had Thanksgiving. Christmas is looming. I'm sure there are parties, and it's a time of gathering food, drink and merriment.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:00:18]:
Holidays. And it's a particularly special time when we're in the process of losing weight. We've talked about that here before, but it's really true. I actually love it for weight loss. I think it's the best time to start, and it's certainly a good time to be in it. And it's like a masterclass in weight loss because it's all the situations that we can find ourselves in. It's like summer school, like a compressed schedule, you know, because there's the parties and family and traditions and suites, and there's so much stuff for us to be able to navigate, and there's so much learning that can happen there. We get to see how our plans are working, and we even have a chance to tweak them and try them again because there's more gatherings and more that sort of thing.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:01:04]:
So I just think the holiday times are great, but they can be challenging. And so some of the things that make the holidays challenging are things like travel, because with travel, we have interrupted routines. Often people like to lose weight once they're in a routine. You know, when everything calms down, then I'll have time to lose weight. It does not work that way. And travel just heightens that. Right. Because our routines are interrupted, there's travel delays, packing, unpacking, unfamiliar beds, disrupted sleep.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:01:36]:
There's a lot that goes on with travel that can make it challenging. Not eating at home, not having access to your own kitchen, all that sort of stuff. Then family dynamics is another thing that can make holidays challenging. We can. If we're going home, we can regress to our teenager Ness. In the face of being with our parents again. There could be sibling rivalries or just dynamics with siblings. Everyone's assuming their family roles, and that can include, you know, a drama king or queen and.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:02:07]:
And all that goes along with that and how everyone reacts to them and, you know, throw some partners in the mix and things can get really hairy. So family dynamics are something that make the holidays in particular, and I'll go into more reasons why, challenging. And then winter itself can be challenging because it's colder, it gets dark earlier, we tend to stay inside more. There's less movement, there's less going on, and that can be a challenge. And then Big feelings. So big feelings. That goes along with the family dynamics often, but it also can be brought on by unrealistic expectations of the perfect holiday. You know, the picture with the snow gently falling and everyone's in cozy sweaters and with smiles on their faces and everyone's just happy.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:03:03]:
Pappy. It doesn't often go exactly as we planned or thought. And there can be guilt and disappointment and frustration and sadness when those things aren't happening the way we would like them to. I mean, alongside the happy and grateful and nostalgic in love, those feelings are there too. But it's almost like you juxtapose these big swings. We can be really frustrated and really happy all at the same time. So just big feelings can be challenging if we're used to emotionally eating. So when they're sort of more intense, you know, because again, this compressed time frame where maybe we're spending a week with family and so every day we sort of have a new situation.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:03:51]:
And when the Christmas cookies are out and we aren't used to processing our feelings without food, we can get ourselves using peppermint bark to self soothe. And that can derail us when we're trying to lose weight. Even with all that, all those big feelings. The most dangerous one, the most dangerous emotion for weight loss is boredom. I really believe this. It's that way in general, I think that boredom, you know, on a daily basis, that's often we, we can find ourselves sort of snicky snacking. But around the holidays, we can feel a particularly potent version of boredom. And I alluded to it before, the, the garden variety boredom is one thing, and that can be dangerous for weight loss.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:04:44]:
But the version during the holidays is more intense because we have that expectation that we should be happy all the time. After all, it's the holidays. Good cheer and all that stuff. Families together, there's good food, there's presence. What's not to love? But when we have unrealistic expectations of happy all the time, and then we inevitably are not happy all the time, then we find ourselves judging the boredom which makes it feel particularly bad. That's, that's the intense intensity of the boredom during the holidays. Judgment always adds a layer of pain to an otherwise sort of clean emotion. So it can be called a dirty pain whenever there's judgment around, because it has that extra layer of should.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:05:41]:
I should do this, I should do that. Whenever you hear a should, that's an argument with reality. And when we have a should or a judgment, then there's shame involved. And it's as if we're doing something wrong. So it shouldn't be this way means that something has gone wrong in your brain. Right? It's not really that something's gone wrong. It was always going to happen that way. You know, the car wasn't going to start, Aunt May was going to fall or.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:06:15]:
Well, that's morbid. I mean, she was going to bring a date that no one likes. Something else. But thinking it should go one way, when in fact in reality it's going another way, that's us fighting with reality, wishing it shouldn't be this way, it should be this way. And when we're adding that layer of judgment and shame, that's what I like to call dirty pain. Because it's painful. Shame is excruciatingly painful. Judgment creates shame.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:06:50]:
And so we're creating a more painful situation than if we just felt boredom. If we just felt boredom. I mean, it's not great, but it's not painful like shame can be. And so if we're experiencing boredom but feel like we shouldn't because it's the holiday, because we're with family, because it's supposed to be amazing, then we have a more painful type of boredom. If we just noticed and felt the boredom and didn't judge it as wrong, we could acknowledge it and address it. Because boredom is actually a pretty easy thing to address, really. We just change what we're doing. If we don't actually know what's going on, if we feel bored and then judge it, and that feels worse.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:07:42]:
So we want to fix that. Shame, bad feeling. How do we feel better in front of a plate of cookies? Usually we eat them even if we aren't hungry. Now remember, nothing is wrong with eating cookies at all. They can be delish. We eat that meal with our cookies when we're hungry, and we stop when we're satisfied. Not full. Amazing.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:08:09]:
But if we eat cookies or any food when we're not hungry, that's the issue. That's when we know something's up. Because cookies or any food is not the fix for an emotion. Even boredom. Now, eating something is a different activity. But remember, food only fixes hunger. Food does not fix any other emotion. The only time that food is an answer is when you're hungry.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:08:45]:
Activities, a change of scenery, a puzzle, a walk, a different conversation. Those are all fixes for boredom, even if we don't even have to fix it, really. I mean, we could just feel bored, but if we didn't want to feel bored, the way we get out of it is doing something else. But eating isn't the answer if you're not hungry. Because we can just decide to feel bored without judgment. And it's not that bad if we don't dirty it up with the judgment. And we can be bored at parties, we can be bored with loved ones, we can be bored alone. We can be bored in exotic locations on vacation or watching a movie or reading a book.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:09:32]:
The boredom is personal, right? How you're feeling, what's happening with your brain. This is why many of us find ourselves eating in front of the TV at night. Some of it's habit, but some of it is boredom. The show is good, but it's not that good. It's not holding your attention the way that you'd like. And the boredom is the thing that has us reaching for a change, to up the ante. And we reach for something salty, crunchy, or sweet and creamy. And the problem with eating to solve boredom is twofold.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:10:10]:
One, we're eating when we're not hungry. And that's a problem, because when there is no off switch, if we weren't hungry to begin with, then how will we know when we've had enough? Possibly only when we've gotten uncomfortably full. And now we're in pain. So now we're bored and in pain. We only had a short window of being not bored, and now we're actually in pain. And if we're trying to lose weight, we've gone off course. We haven't helped ourselves. And the second issue is that we aren't seeing what we think is boring.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:10:46]:
We don't learn about ourselves, we're just distracting ourselves. And we don't evolve and discover new things we might like to do. If we're seeing, oh, you know what? I'm bored watching this show, Is there another show I would prefer? Maybe I'll knit and do this, maybe I'll do something completely different. We won't learn about ourselves like, oh, it turns out I don't like mysteries. Good to know. Because that's what we ultimately want, is to learn about ourselves and give ourselves what we really want. And this isn't even a tactic to be happy all the time, because that's not possible. But learning about ourselves and trying new things and experimenting, that's a fun part of life.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:11:34]:
And that, to me, is what we're evolving to be. And then food can just be what it's intended for, which is fuel. Delicious fuel, but not an activity, not a fix for emotions again, because if we use it for that there's no off switch except pain. And our body was not designed to eat until pain and sort of all the time. Even though a lot of food manufacturers would like us to think that we want to find out what would bring us true satisfaction. And we can't do that if we're numbing our bored feelings with food. Maybe you don't actually like the annual party. Maybe you love talking with Auntie Barbara, but not Auntie Doris.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:12:31]:
Maybe you need a nap or you want to read a book in your room. I mean, all these things are really important to know and we get deep satisfaction from them. And then we're not ultimately eating other emotions that may come up when we're not honoring what we actually want. We can get anxious. We can feel and we can. We sometimes we don't even know where it comes from, but it can come from not being in touch with what we actually want. And when we're paying attention, we can see where we're bored and that could lead us in a direction that we want to go. These are all good things to know about ourselves.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:13:10]:
Then we can make decisions that support us instead of demand that we suffer through something that we hate. Or if you decide to do the thing that's not your fav, at least you're doing it with eyes wide open. You may have a very good reason to be there. Like it supports your mom or your happy to spend time with your grandma or something like that. So you're happy to do it, even if there's a little boredom. Boredom isn't terrible in and of itself. It's a pointer. It's a flag to show us something.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:13:42]:
Then we can embrace the boredom and not find ourselves confused and knee deep in green and red M&Ms. When we're feeling anxious or bored or guilty or any of those sorts of things. Noticing when we're feeling these things and addressing them more directly is so helpful. And when we don't use food when we're not hungry, then we're able to see it. We're able to investigate, we're able to learn about ourselves. So be on the lookout for boredom this holiday season. You may only notice it after you find yourself moving towards the cheese and crackers even though you're not hungry. That may be how you notice it, is that all of a sudden you're just sort of moving towards the food and you know you're not hungry.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:14:39]:
That's another way that the hunger scale comes in so handy, because you're checking in and you're noticing, oh, I'M eating when I'm not hungry. I wonder what's going on. Boredom may be one of them. It may also be super obvious like your sister said something annoying again. You know, it could be that too. All the emotions, but boredom is one that we miss a lot. And so that's why this podcast is about it. Eating only addresses hunger.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:15:06]:
Activities address boredom. So this holiday, decide on a few activities that you can do if you notice boredom, right? So we can, we can plan this ahead of time. Games you can bring, board games you can do like games like charades where you don't need anything, you just get up and you know, do that as a group. Cards, puzzles. You could decide to go on walks to get like the blood moving or just for a change of scenery. You can play with pets or kids you can bring top this is my favorite. You can bring topics to discuss or questions to ask loved ones. Especially if you have different generation people there.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:15:42]:
It's fun to hear about things and if you have a theme like I'm going to ask what their favorite book was when they were little or you know, who they first kissed or you know, something like that. But there's also books and card decks of questions and you can totally find that online. And that is really helpful that you just bring it out and everyone answers a question. And as you discover where you get bored, you'll discover more of what you like and don't like. And that is really good information to know because you're pretty fabulous and it's fun to get to know a fabulous someone better and better. I'm sending you so much love. I'm hoping the holidays are going really well. You can always reach out to me if you have any questions, especially around this time.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:16:28]:
Ephanyfinemd on Instagram and on LinkedIn and I'm sending you so much love. Notice your boredom. It's okay to be bored, but then we do an activity and you learn something about yourself too.
