Stephanie Fein MD [00:00:00]:
Hello, fabulous. It's Dr. Stephanie Fein here with weight loss for fertility. Happy New Year. If you're listening in real time, this is the first one in 2025. How exciting. I hope the start to your new year was fantastic. You had lovely holidays.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:00:16]:
I was with you last week, but I like to say it again. And for those of you who didn't listen last week, I hope everyone's beginning of the new year worked out really well. A lot of people have resolutions. Hopefully. If you've been listening here, you, you don't stop. There's no one day that's better than the next. We just start and go because this is about kindness, conscious decisions, kind conscious decisions. And that does not have a necessary start date.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:00:44]:
We can start anytime because it's not punishing. There's not anything overwhelmingly different than what you do. There's a few things we do, hunger scale planning, that make a difference. And you can take it at your pace. So there's no need for the last supper because you'll never see those foods again. That's not how it works around here. So we're just sort of starting with a. We're not doing anything resolutiony.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:01:11]:
We're just starting with a concept that I've been thinking about and I'm excited to share with you today. So it's cheap pride versus deep pride. Okay. I was talking with a client recently and it's. And this concept came up and it's so valuable that I wanted to share it. Okay. Now it does feel like a little bit of an advanced theory. And when I say advanced, what I mean actually is nuanced.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:01:40]:
So the basics would be that you're already good with the idea of the hunger scale and planning your food week. You're no longer thinking in the way of like restriction deprivation because you know that doesn't work long term and you're ready to do it a different way. And you're good with the idea of locating your decision making about eating internally rather than externally. Specifically, you think and understand the difference between diet mentality thinking which goes along the line of I can't trust myself around food, so I have to use external parameters and the weight loss for fertility weight, which is developing the ability to trust yourself and your body when it comes to food and eating. That's a very big difference. One way the traditional diet mentality way leads to yo yo weight gain and further distance yourself from your body, its needs and signals. And in doing that, it erodes the relationship you have with yourself when you can't do what you want willpower to do. Because we only have so much willpower, it's inevitable that it gives out.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:02:55]:
The ask is really impossible, especially long term, to have to use willpower for the rest of your existence. The other way, the weight loss for fertility way leads to including your body in the equation, learning to respect it and believe it and bring it along for the ride. And this makes the weight loss sustainable because the change is not forced but allowed. It's not externally mandated. It's internally decided. It's encouraged, not beaten in. There's love there, and that really makes a difference. It's love for yourself and your body.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:03:36]:
And then the food decisions become so much easier. Easier, intuitive, calm, confident. That's the energy. So the concept I'm discussing today follows from that basic understanding diet mentality, weight loss versus weight loss for fertility. And this is it. It's cheap pride, as opposed to deep pride. So when I was thinking about this, it made me think of something I heard Marianne Williamson talk about many, many years ago. And it was, I'm gonna get this not exactly right, but this is how my brain remembers that cheap drama versus sort of real drama.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:04:17]:
And my understanding of cheap drama was that it's more like, you know, like Real Housewives or Jerry Springer, you know, he said, she said, sort of I was disrespected. And so now I'm, you know, I don't know, slashing tires, I'll say that kind of thing. And real drama was just sort of life like who you are in the face of hardship. And so it's interesting. It's really about the reaction, right? Because it could be the same thing, relationship issues. You could have two things. One, it's the way you respond to the things, but also you have less of the cheap drama in your life in general because you've really from growth, the energy of just dealing with the stuff that life hands you versus big reactions and sort of then making things matters worse by creating another drama. Right? That's the difference.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:05:21]:
It's that energy. The energy is totally different. One's like yelling and acting out, and the other is calm, emotional. Like we're allowed to have emotions and be sad and angry and all that stuff, but with it, we're resolved to do what's necessary. And the cheaper version is chaotic. And growth is moving from cheap drama to real drama. And we can think the same thing when it comes to cheap pride versus deep pride. There's growth there in how we are losing weight.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:06:01]:
So I wanted to come up with some sort of definitions to further illustrate this point. Cheap pride is from diet mentality, thinking, accomplishments. So like diet tricks or hacks, it's the idea of sort of tricking the body or the mind into weight loss. And it also is sort of pride in doing something you don't want to do on a deep level. Like you want to do it because you want to lose weight, but you don't want to do it because it's not sustainable. You don't believe that it will really work long term. You know it's wrong for you because it doesn't feel like it, but it's for your own good. Air quotes.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:06:46]:
It's for your own good. So it doesn't feel right to you, but you still think you should do it. And some examples of this are being proud about being hungry, like I'm gonna do fasting. And I, and then being proud that you're over hungry, that you're, that you have a need, but you're not listening to it like that, being proud about that or staying within a certain low calorie limit or only eating this many grams of this. Or I, I hit certain minutes, I, I've, someone told me to do this many minutes and I'm going to do that. Or saying no to something that you really want. Those kinds of are like the cheap pride. Like, yay, I, you know, didn't eat something that I really wanted.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:07:41]:
It's like, it's like hard for me to come up with that because it, it so goes against what I think about that. And that's part of the point, of course, deep pride, because I, one of my very favorite emotions is proud. It feels so good, but it is a deep pride, not a cheap pride. And that's the piece I want us to know, the difference between. And with deep pride, there's, it's, it's, it comes from growth. You're proud, you're learning something new, doing something new. And it, it's evidence of building trust in yourself. It's calmer, it's a knowing.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:08:32]:
And my client was saying it's pride comes from me figuring it out. Like I'm figuring this out for myself based on what my body wants or needs or what my life looks like, how I want to do it. I'm figuring this out. And when I figure it out for myself, I feel pride. That's amazing. That's the one we're looking for. To me, that's deep pride. It's deepening the connection you have with yourself.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:09:06]:
You're figuring it out because it's based on your wants and needs. So if they're. And I don't know if I said donut or I just thought donut. But before, if we're saying, yay, I didn't have a donut, even though I really wanted it, that would be the cheap pride. And here it's how can I figure out how to have my donut? Or how often to have my donut? Or not denying yourself, including yourself in the decisions that you're making to lose weight and change how you're eating. It's not hacks, it's not shortcuts, but it's conversations. Conversations you're having with yourself, checking in with yourself, hearing yourself, and then making decisions based on that. It has compassion in it and curiosity.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:09:59]:
These conversations are really important. And that's the biggest difference. The conversations, then the tricks. And you'll see that conversations that you're having with yourself as you're figuring this out. No one can tell you exactly how to do that. It requires your own self figuring it out. That's where the pride comes from and that's where the lasting change comes from. It's very challenging for someone to say, oh, everyone should eat 1,000 calories.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:10:32]:
I mean, that's ridiculous. I mean, who knows who, like everyone is different? I don't know. That would be. May work for some people, won't work for others. That may be sustainable for some people. Not for others. It may be too much for others. It may be way too little for others.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:10:47]:
It's like get rich quick schemes. Most of the time they don't work. I bet they work for a couple people. Just like, you know, saying a calorie limit would help some people, but mostly no. So we have to go with the fact that that's not how it works. Tricks and hacks are not usually how things work. It works if it comes from within you. And I'm not saying that guidance doesn't help.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:11:12]:
It certainly does. That's what I do all day. It's amazing. I can help people with conversations that they're having with themselves, questions they can ask themselves. Because the answers that you come up with for yourself and your life. Cause you're the only one in it, Those are the answers that last. And that's deep pride. When you unlock a code for yourself, when you accomplish something because you've set your mind to it and you figured it out.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:11:43]:
And you may even feel that deeper pride, more based on having failures because you tried this and that didn't work. You tried this and that didn't work. And then you tried this. It worked. Oh, my gosh. Amazing feeling. So it turns out that noticing cheap pride versus deep pride will point us in the right direction. From diet mentality, thinking to the weight loss for fertility way.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:12:17]:
And I'm gonna want you to go in that direction every time. And I do that because I've been doing this for so long, I see what happens. Deep pride is the way. It's a flag. It's an indicator that you're going in the right direction. So we're moving from cheap pride in weight loss to deep pride because that's the difference between diet mentality, thinking and personal growth. When we grow personally, when we're growing, it's now easy to sustain that behavior, right? Changing a habit to a different habit. And now that is our new normal.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:13:01]:
That's what we want. And deep pride is an indicator we're moving in that direction. Cheap pride is like checking boxes. And I boy, do I love checking a box. But it's a little too simplistic for weight loss, for sustainable weight loss, because as I said before, it's like one size fits all. And it disregards your own body and your own feelings usually. And then the deep pride comes from figuring it out. Self inquiry, noticing growth, noticing calm, a different reaction than you've had in the past to a similar event.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:13:50]:
So that's what we're doing here today. We are noticing and looking for when there's the cheap pride, like, you know, yay, I did something. It's yay, I did something that I did set out to do. This is why this is nuanced. Right? As I started out in the beginning, I checked a box, but the box wasn't appropriate. That's the thing. Yay. I only ate, you know, this many calories today, but it felt terrible.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:14:23]:
I didn't like it. You know, I don't. It doesn't feel right to me. But I check the box, I get to feel proud. This is the cheap pride. But it's empty because it doesn't feel okay. And then, of course, we get into the well, it should feel okay. And if I keep doing this, then I'll lose weight.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:14:43]:
That is not the only way to lose weight. And that's why we're talking about cheap versus deep pride. We want the deep pride parts that I figured it out. I know what to do. It's possible. So there you have it, my friends. Something to look out for is the cheap versus deep pride. The cheap stuff is temporary, as most cheap stuff is, and we want the deep pride of growth change you and your body can feel really good about.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:15:18]:
It's a calmer energy, but it feels amazing inside. And confetti is optional. Although I say use confetti and that's the thing with deep pride. It's not. It is more mature and grown up. But that does not mean we don't celebrate it. I have confetti here in a bowl on my desk at all times just for the celebrations. And deep pride certainly, certainly deserves celebration.
Stephanie Fein MD [00:15:48]:
I'm wishing lots and lots of deep pride for you this whole year. And if you want more about this, if you want to talk to me about this, you just reach out because I would love to work with you on this and any other weight loss. We do sustainable weight loss around here, weight loss for fertility. If you're trying to get pregnant, I'm your guide in all things weight loss. Stephaniefinemd.com or @stephanie finemd on Instagram or LinkedIn. I'm sending you so much love for this first week of the year and I will see you next week.
